Tales Of A Co-Worker Past

Me, at work- 

Apologies for the grainy photograph. I scanned this from an old company newsletter.

I used to work with a woman I'll call Pearl, since she really was named after a gemstone.
Pearl was a nice enough woman, the kind of person who'd give you the shirt off their back, but was unbearable to work with.
She lived five minutes from work, but arrived exactly ten minutes late each and every day.
Pearl favored bright colorful clothing, and always had shoes to match any of the hues she happened to be wearing. One day, after dressing in the dark, she was appalled to find she'd come to work wearing one orange shoe paired with a pink one. She scurried home to correct this situation, on company time of course!
She constantly bragged about the neighborhood she'd bought into, and the investments she'd made, yet she'd bring in several empty milk jugs daily, and fill them with the bottled water provided by the company.
Pearl would bring shopping ads to work, read them and make lists, then take a long lunch. Upon her late return, she'd spend another five minutes storing her perishables in the breakroom fridge, and heaven help you if you'd stashed a lunch earlier in the morning- if lucky, you might be able to find it squashed behind Pearl's groceries.
Then she entered her craft phase. She began bringing in supplies, and making fancy photo albums, then stuffed cats, and finally those straw hats decorated with flowers which were meant to be hung as decoration.
The few times she actually worked were a disaster. She was in her late forties, and claimed all the technological changes were too much for her.
When required to work with intra-company workgroups she was frequently asked to put a "real technician" on the line. Did that embarass her... nope!
Just prior to her retirement I happened to quit smoking, and you-know-who received the brunt of my withdrawal pain and anger. When I started back up several weeks later, Pearl mentioned how mean I'd been. I didn't apologize, because that, dear Pearl, was the way I really felt about you!