Monday, October 16, 2006

Seasons Change, And So Do I

Twin Oaks

It's now just over three weeks since my husband passed away.
Some days it seems this all just happened yesterday.
Some days I feel years have passed.

The nights are falling earlier, and colder.
Leaves are dropping.
I light scented candles atop my woodstove when the temperature is mild, and burn the oak from my woodpile when the temperature drops.

The season is changing, and so am I.

And best of all... I'm doing fine.

Thanks to everyone, for their love and concern. Just want you all to know that I'm ok. Busy, but definitely ok.


Blogger Squirl said...

Oh, honey, I'm glad you're busy. I can't imagine if you lived in a tiny apartment with nothing much to occupy your time.

I know how much my own situation hurts, day in and day out. But I didn't live in the same home with her. I still have my significant other.

I wish I could say words that you make you feel better. Here's a virtual hug for you. If you're ever over this way, or I'm ever over there, I promise it'll be a real one.

Sending a whole lot of love over there to you.

4:38 PM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Hi Squirl!

How odd... I was just about to click on your blog, when I noticed I had a comment!
I'll accept that virtual hug, and await a real one someday.
Sending lots of love back 'atcha!'

4:46 PM  
Blogger Kat said...

I'm so glad to hear from you. I'm glad you are staying busy too, it helps a bit doesn't it?


5:34 PM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Kat, hello!
Staying busy really does help.
Been having a lot of company (still) and it's nice to know the house is totally clean!
Hugs to you too!!!

6:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so happy to see you this evening. The pic is lovely. Be patient and loving with yourself during this difficult time sweetie. It sucks until it doesn't.

7:28 PM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Good evening Traci nice to see you again!
I love that you said "It sucks until it doesn't." That is profound!
Thanks both for the good advice and the smile.

8:01 PM  
Anonymous LisaG said...

I lost my husband unexpectedly last December 20th. The best advice I got was to "lean into the grief." Don't put on a brave front to the world, but really embrace how you feel and how much you miss him. And I have to agree completely with Traci who said "it sucks until it doesn't" because it certainly does.

The first year will be the most difficult--all the 'firsts' are killers, but I've learned to celebrate them instead of dreading them. My husband's birthday is on Thursday. I'm making a cake and having some friends over. Why not?

Take care and my thoughts and prayers are with you.


7:43 AM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Welcome LisaG.
Great advice from one who knows! I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
I leaned into my grief by immersing myself with sad music, and going through our photos until it only provoked a smile and not tears.
I've hit a couple of firsts, and tend to celebrate them.
Love your idea of a birthday party. My husband hated his birthday, so I don't think I'll put him through it.
Great advice, from one who's been there, and I seriously thank you!

9:00 AM  
Blogger SoozieQ said...

I know I said I wasn't going to check blogs but I kinda lied (well actually I had a dream about you last night, so I thought I'd check in on you).

Your strength is absolutely amazing to me and you are in my thoughts daily

2:14 PM  
Anonymous LisaG said...

I noticed that you said it was three weeks since your husband died. It's been 43 weeks for me and I'm still counting. I wonder when I'll stop doing that.

Also, a website that I found very helpful is Her boyfriend died unexpectedly last year at this time and she wrote about what she was going through. It doesn't always apply exactly to your or my situation, but it certainly validates what we go through!

3:00 PM  
Blogger Mahala said...

*Hugs* girl :)

4:32 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

I'm very glad to see you, SierraBella! And that is a great photo!! And Traci is so scary-smart sometimes it makes me shake my head... because there's a girl with more than her share of crap, and yet she writes things like this, and loves us by checking in like that. Busy is good, and healing is good, and grief is good in its own way, too. It keeps our loved ones close somehow.

I'm still plotting how to get you up here closer to me, I mean, to PJ...

10:45 PM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Well hello SoozieQ!
I sure hope that dream wasn't a nightmare???
It's hard not to check blogs, even when one is busy.

Hi again LisaG!
I think your husband would be honored that you're still counting the weeks.
Went over and read wildsoda's stuff. I adore her writing. I just hope she comes to grips with her loss soon. I can identify with some of her issues.

Hey Mahala!
Hugs back 'atcha!' I appreciate them, really.

Hi again Eclectic!
So many bloggers (and real-life friends) have helped me out with advice, hugs, and time out of their busy lives! It's amazing.
Oh, I miss PJ so much! The other day, he told me that PapaDon is now playing cards in heaven with George Washington and they're both chasing hotties!!! I wonder what Martha thinks about that?

8:29 AM  
Blogger jac said...

I was out of blogging for some time now, came to tell you that I am back, so I didn't know.

At this time it is meaningless to say sorry.
But I can't find another word to replace it.

My prayers.

12:42 PM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Welcome back to blogging Jac!
Thank you for the thoughts.
I sure hated to post about this, but it's a part of my life.

3:06 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Many bloggers have changed a lot while I've been away from blogland, but your loss made my heart hurt.

I am so sorry.

Please remember to eat.

3:43 PM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Are you back to blogging? I'll have to come by and check.
I have been eating, but mostly I crave salad.
Haven't eaten meat in almost 4 weeks now.
Guess I'll have to learn to cook for one.

10:04 AM  
Blogger Susie said...

Just saying hi. I thought I commented the other day, but maybe I was drunk or something. I like what Traci said about sucking until it doesn't. I think maybe it will still suck after that, but not as much. Wonder if you still have any macademia nuts left . . .

1:49 PM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Hi back 'atcha', Susie!
Maybe you were drunk or something? I doubt that!
Those macadamia nuts are totally gone now. I've been outside all day working the wood chipper, so those extra calories are getting burned up.
I currently look like an extra from "Deliverance," so I'd best finish up and shower!

1:59 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Our daughter told her dad he was a nut the other day, and when he asked what kind, she immediately fired back, "Macadamia Nut -- so we can call you 'Mac' for short." *heh* That's what those comments from you and Susie made me think about. Thinking of you, SierraB!

3:47 PM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Good thing your daughter didn't say peanut, 'cause then she'd be calling him pea, which doesn't sound quite proper!
Thanks for thinking of me, I do appreciate it.

5:55 PM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

Glad to hear that you are doing well. Keeping busy is a good way to get through times like these.

When I lost my friend this summer,I found performing a few parting rituals really helped me through. SSB and I got a memorial stone and put it in her favorite spot, and we went to the place that she died and hung prayer flags.

The really nice things about the memorial stone is that I can go and visit her at a place that holds memories of her. And the prayer flags let me imagine my sorrow getting lighter with every thread that is wriggled free from each and every flag as time goes by.

8:37 PM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Hi Sylvana!
What lovely ways to memorialize your friend.
And I love the analogy of your sorrow getting lighter...

8:59 AM  
Blogger Susie said...

Deliverance?! Those are my peeps! I am of Hillbillian heritage, you know ;)

2:08 PM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Susie, you're not the only one!
Had a great-great aunt Cora, who smoked a corncob pipe, played fiddle and ran around barefoot.
My grandmother always called them "HillWilliams" out of respect...

2:32 PM  
Blogger SoozieQ said...

I'm taking a lunch break and thought I'd just pop over to say "Hi". Been thinking about you.

12:57 PM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Hi SoozieQ!
I'm taking a break from wood chipping again, so I'll spend a moment here with you.
I know you're awfully busy too, from the last time I popped in at your blog.
Well my break is over already...

1:51 PM  
Blogger trinitystar said...

It's lovely to find you pottering around again. Popped in for a coffee and for that smell of wood burning in the fire. Its lovely to see your door open to all your fellow bloggers.
"He is in the jewel box of you heart. A treasure. He will always be with you."
Big Hugs for you.
see you soon

3:41 PM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

I was just sitting down to a fresh cup of coffee, which you're welcome to share.
Today has been unusually warm, hence the outdoor work, but should it get cooler, I might just fire up the woodstove!

4:34 PM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Just stopped by to say hi and send a smile and a hug. :)

6:03 PM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Hey Squirl, and how are you doing?
Glad you stopped by for a quick visit.
I'm really loving all these hugs I'm getting. It all helps!
Hugs (and a smile) right back at ya!

10:33 AM  
Blogger cheesecakey said...

passing by to give you a cyber hug.....

5:04 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Hi SierraB! Just wondered if you'd like to have a glass of wine with me. Red okay? We have a chardonnay too, if you prefer. Cheers!

10:23 PM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Well thanks for the cyber hug Cheesecakey! I really appreciate it.

Eclectic, my favorite wines are reds, Cabernet and Merlot to be specific!

9:49 AM  
Blogger Susie said...

Hmm, wonder if there's any of that wine left. I'll join you ladies, if I may :)

Thinking of you with love tonight. Hope the weekend is going OK.

8:31 PM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Of course you can share our wine Susie!
My weekend is going fine, thanks. I'm getting ready to head over to my 'bestest' childhood friend's house in a bit. I haven't seen her in something like 22 years!!!

7:14 AM  
Blogger Rae Ann said...

Just checking in on you. I hope all is okay there! You're in my thoughts and prayers.

9:34 AM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Hi Rae Ann!
All's ok. Thanks for dropping by.

4:27 PM  
Blogger jac said...

Happy to know that you accept the change. yeah, its part of you.

Wanted to wish happy halloween but just Halloween and I stop.

Take cafe Sierra

1:02 AM  
Blogger jac said...


take care.

1:04 AM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Hi Jac!
I'll take cafe... er I mean I'll take care!

9:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Just stopped by to say I'm thinking of you. Love the Happy Halloween pic too!

6:46 AM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Traci, thanks (on both accounts!)
I had the woodstove blazing the night before Halloween, while watching spooky movies, and thought to take a picture.

9:06 AM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Happy November, SierraB! I just wanted to say hi, and I think of you every day.

11:36 AM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Happy November to you too, Eclectic!
You're so sweet to think of me.
I'm thinking of you, and my other favorite bloggers too.

11:09 AM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Hi again! It's a perfect day up here today, and I couldn't help but think that you'd love it. Been thinking about you, sending love.

10:22 AM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

It's lovely here (today) too, Eclectic!
I love it after a good rain.
Thanks for thinking of me.
I'm doing fine, and already getting ready for the holidays!

10:34 AM  
Blogger jac said...

Halloween ! Sierra

5:41 AM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Hello Jac... and now it's almost Thanksgiving!
I suppose I ought to post something before then?

1:28 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

I just dropped by to ask what your plans for this week are. Holidays coming so close on the heels of your loss might be difficult, so I've been thinking about you and wanting to make sure you're okay. Will you get to see P.J.?

10:51 PM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Hi Eclectic!
My son is coming up from L.A. for a week-long visit, and I'm dragging him to the Bay Area for Thanksgiving dinner. (He's vegan, so it's not a big deal meal to him.)
PJ and family are supposed to come down from Oregon at Christmas for a couple of days!
I've already begun putting up Christmas decorations, mainly because I'm doing remodeling in my bedroom and office, and might lose track of them!
I'll have to come visit your blog (and the other's) to see what everybody is up to!

2:14 PM  

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